century later than Father Augustine Baker's July 1624 arrival at Cambrai to give spiritual direction to the English Benedictine nuns there, a manuscript was written out, July 1724, in the Paris daughter house by an anonymous English Benedictine nun, speaking of him as 'father Anonimus'. Dame Gertrude More was Mother Foundress, 1623, of Our Lady of Comfort, dying in 1633, Dame Catherine Gascoigne , its Abbess from 1629-1676. (Neither Abbey speaks of one Foundress, but of 'Mother Beginners').

Permission, Ampleforth Abbey Trustees

The daughter abbey was founded in 1651, its Prioress, Dame Bridget More, its Foundress, Dame Clementia Cary, and it brought to Paris from Cambrai a duplicate set of the original library of contemplative writings, including Julian of Norwich's Showing of Love, and continued the tradition set in place by Dom Augustine Baker, 1624-1633.

Dame Bridget More, Prioress, Our Lady of Good Hope, Paris
Courtesy, Colwich Abbey

Cambrai's foundation of Our Lady of Comfort would become Stanbrook Abbey , Worcestershire, and Paris' foundation of Our Lady of Good Hope, Colwich Abbey , Staffordshire, both communities returning to England from which they had lived for more than a century in exile, following the French Revolution.

The Paris English Benedictines, as were the Cambrai English Benedictines, were imprisoned during the Revolution, but upon finally being freed were able to effect the return of most of their manuscripts and books to England, where they are now to be found at Colwich Abbey. However, this manuscript, written by one of their nuns, likely found in her cell at her death as was the custom with such contemplative collections, ended up in Paris' Bibliothque Mazarine.

This particular manuscript, Mazarine 1202 (dated July 23, 1724, by its anonymous scribe, an English nun in exile), is sneered at in the Paris, Bibliothque Mazarine, Catalogue as the production of some superstitious monk. The manuscript is indeed prefaced with an engraving of a Benedictine monk kneeling in prayer, rays of light falling upon him. The cataloguer failed to notice that the anthology of contemplative writings was written by a woman whose humility concealed from us her identity, almost even her gender. This 'Colections' includes writings from Father Augustine Baker, the 'Friend of God' John Tauler, Blessed Angela of Foligno, the Conversio Morum, Bishop of Cambray Fnelon's Letters of Spiritual Direction , Dame Gertrude More, with excerpts of her defense of Father Augustine Baker made to the General Chapter of the English Benedictine Congregation in 1633, and Dame Catherine Gascoigne , again this being her defense of Father Augustine Baker's teaching on prayer presented to Chapter in 1633, when all manuscripts in the nuns' possession were examined. This manuscript in every way celebrates Dom Augustine Baker's teachings. Colwich Abbey compared its hand to those in their possession and found it matched that of Sister Mary Benedicte Dally, O.S.B., who was Prioress of Our Lady of Good Hope in Paris from 1734-38, who had been professed before August 1722, and who had also written out a translation of Blosius, dated at the end, August 3rd, 1718.

Father Augustine Baker,
Permission of Ampleforth Abbey Trustees

In this same Bibliothque Mazarine library is also to be found the Catalogue of all their Cambrai Augustine Baker texts, listing as well Julian of Norwich's Showing of Love as 'The Revelations of Sainte Julian', as a manuscript which they owned but which was not from Dom Augustine Baker's collecting, plus another, now lost, manuscript, 'Colections outt of Holy Mo: Juilan' [sic.]. Furthermore this particular surviving 'Colections' manuscript includes a section written by the anonymous nun herself, likely Sister Mary Benedicte Dally, O.S.B., which gives near-quotations from Julian's Showing. This evidence tells us that the Paris house a century later than the Cambrai foundation was continuing to preserve, to live and to celebrate its contemplative legacy.

It is my hope that these transcriptions will return the texts in this important manuscript to these Abbeys' cloistered nuns at Stanbrook and at Colwich. It is a portion of their treasured lost inheritance. And likewise to share it not only in the cloister, but also with the world. That had been a major purpose of the nuns' contemplative copying and writing when in exile, to exercise the 'apostolate of the scribe' as their contribution to the English Mission of the Benedictine monks to the laity of their then lost homeland. They are, as well, an example for us to follow. Let us republish their republishing of contemplative texts (they were a sort of Earliest English Text Society), and let us weave from theirs further such contemplatve texts in which we 'seek God only'.

Postscript: The Benedictine monks of Ampleforth, England, and New Norcia, Western Australia, and the Benedictine nuns of Stanbrook Abbey and Colwich Abbey, through the Internet, have now shared in the work of making these web essays on the Bibliothque Mazarine manuscript written by a Paris Benedictine nun in 1724, more accurate, by supplying information and by collating its texts with those they have in their possession. Carmo Silva in Lisbon, further, translated these into Portuguese, for Stanbrook Abbey has sixteen offshoots in Brazil alone.

Laus Deo & Maria, 18 January 2001.


                2,308 [cancelled]
of spiritual letters, and the booke
Conversio morum


Opening of Bibliothque Mazarine 1202

JESVS, sonne of dauid haue mercie on mee.
GOD be merciful to mee a sinner.
                                Luk. 18. 38. 13.

Jesus, Maria, Benedictus,
My God aboue all blesings
grant me a true peace in yu,
and above all curses remove
far from me a false peace in
creatures. ~ ~ ~
Happy & most hapy is that
soull, that finds within her a
certain habituall thirst, and
longing desire towards god, if
that she will but prosecute it
by internall, & externall wor-

2.        Colections f.B.

kings, & sufferings, especially
(wch is the proper tendance) wth
the interior workings, aspirings,
& desirings, of the soull, not with-
standing all unaptness, or dificul-
-ties, that she finds in sensualities,
or in corporall nature, or in ill
habits formerly contracted, for
none of these can stay, or hinder
her tendance; they will likelie
cause the tendance to have some more
biterness in it, & will make her
way to be the longer, & hold her the
longer ere she attain to the end
of her desire, but that will not
hinder her hapiness, wch consists
in such tendance, (tho but slow)

         Colections f.B.             3

as she is able to make, & in
having attain'd to this End (be-
-ing union,) when that she hath
atain'd to it, & if she dye in e
way before she haue atain'd to
it, she dies in the ease of much
hapiness. ~
The Soull that is in the way, &
in the tendance toward the divine
union, & before he atain to it
be overtaken by death he shall
not faill of his intention, and de-
sire, for he shall be united to
god in the future life in a much more
happy maner than he could haue
bine in s life & that in such

4           Colec: fa Ba:

measure, as was the greatness
of his desire, & industry, to haue
become united to him, in this
By our Holly Rulle is ordained
& prescribed, one way, or other
the practis of all mener of ver-
tues, as the practis of none of m
is to be omitted upon ocasions
hapening for practis. [so far out
of e Book: expo: 12 deg: of Hum:
Never is there recolectedness
at Death, but so far as it suc
-ceeds, & coms upon precedent
recolectedness in life. f:b:
according as the abstraction

           Col: fa. Ba:              5

is, soe alsoe will the recolect-
-edness be, f B.
    Book M.
An upright Religious, should
ever have in his mind, & prac-
tise, t saying of our H: fath:
taken out of the Gosple, ad
quid venisti? & that is to at-
tend to his own soull, and rej
-ecting all other cares, and do
-ings repugnant or improper, -
for a religious, & monastick vo-
In s place of solitude, will I
dwell, because I haue chosen it.
In my little nest, I will Dye to e

6  Colections of B

world, & live to god,
O Great & omnipotent god,
thou who art divine, for love
of me wouldst become human,
O thou thatt canott doe all things
make me to become Diuine, t
soe I may in some sort, be wor-
-thy to converse with thee.
O my spouse, my divine louer,
and my all Dice me Orare,
teach me how I may conuerse
worthily with you.
O Dearest lord I Humbly beg &
conjure you, for the love you
bear to those soulls w adore yu
in spirit & verity, to make me
one of that hapy number.

    An Epistle of thaulerus,     7

Virgins most Dear unto me, in
christ Jesus, in whom I pray, and
wish unto you, a most inward -
love towards him, & that you
would learn briefly to penetr-
-ate or pierce thro all things
with a true resignation, and
to perform all your externall
and internall exercises, not out
of a certain dry custom, or out
of proper sense or will, but out
of a true discretion, divine in
-tention, as a humble resignati-
-on. I beseech you (most dear-
ly beloved) for the love of
god, that you be carefull to

8     Epistle of thau:

remain with your selves, and
to live abstractedly, and that
you subject your selves, not on-
-ly unto god, but alsoe unto all
creatures, in true Obedience
and resignation, humbly & mild-
-ly. have you a watchfull care
of your selves & of your heart,
and of the divine Operation
within you. doe ye in all things
that doe occure either interi-
-ourly or exteriourly, wholy re-
-sign your selves unto god, and
with all confidence adher unto
him, tho your nature be trou-
-bled, or even overwhelmed,

        Epis: of thau:                  9

with never so great fears, &
darkneses. but cheifly doe ye
watch & look into your intenti-
-ons, least that any other thing
besides the honour of god, and
his most acceptable will, be-
sought or intended by you. and
then without doubt, the divine
star (the Guide of your journy &
the true light) wch is god, will
arise & spring in your hearts &
will show unto you, where, how,
& in what he would haue from
you; the same he both by your
selves, & by all created things
bring & lead you into himself,

10         Epis: of thau:

    e latter part of another:
Now therfore my sisters, dear-
ly beloued in christ, doe ye heaue
up all your powers, thro & over
all works, & through & over-
all accidents, & occurents, and
farther thro & ouer all afflic-
-tions & greifs with a thirsty
& an amourous expectation,
by wch ye may be continually
apt & disposed, to be wrought
in & ledde by god alone, being
abstract, & drawn out of your
selves, and from all created
things, let not (I beseech you)
your desires, either through

          Epist: of thau:           11

sloathfulness, or thro difficul-
ties, or any desperation, of the
cheif & supream good, be inter-
-rupted or stayed, for the most
liberall god is desirous to imp-
-art himself wholy (And that
most perfectly, and most excel-
-ently) unto you. Ever therfore
doe ye renew your selves, by-
elevation of mind, & desire of
god, and then will god abundant-
ly replenish both your mind, &
your desire, euer with new -
gifts of his grace, for I would
haue you to know dearly beloued
in the unity of our salvation,

12          Epis: of thau:

that if I and all created things,
could without cesation tell and
make known unto you the nob-
-ility of your soull t could not
produce or work in you any fruit
that shall be euerlasting, but
wt must work in us, fruits and
eternall salvation, is to be beg'd
and goten of god, by urging desires
& acts produced by your soull, -
And to him that persevers in
amourous desires, that divine
work doth ever present it self
wch it behoveth each one to
suffer in such sort as god shall
require of him. nor can there

              Epis: thau:                 13

be any errour (or ilusion) inter-
mingled, or feared to be in such
kind of amorous desires, nor an-
ny thing be denyed them by god.
  And from the exercise of these
desires &
aspirations, noe age, noe infir-
-mity, noe dulnes, of understand-
ing, doth exempt a man, or doth
disable him, and in very deed our
blesed god for the abundance of
love that is in him, canot but -
impart himself, & I my self doe
crave & beseech of the eternall
verity, that he soe move and
posess you, with his love, wher-
by he may soe clearly and plain-
-ly utter, and pronounce within

14         Epis: thau:

you his eternall Word, that
ye may not have need of the
words, (or instructions,) of any
creature fare ye well, Ever, &
the Book Conversio morum,
It is internity, or recolected-
-nes of life that alone can
give grace & light, for bearing
and digesting of crosses, and
adversities, that occur in mans
life in right & profitable maner
both interiourly, & exteriourly,
for wt undergoing of such adver-
-sities, in right manner will you
have where there is nothing, but
obscurity, & confusion, in e soull

      Conversio Morum          15

as to wt is supernaturall, wth-
corrupt intention and self seek-
-ing, in all maters, as is the con-
-dition, of an extroverted liver
and wt extream uncleaness or
rust in soull, doe those men call
cary wth them, when they depart
out of s life, what confidence
in god, or of their own saluation
can they have, how far from
them is the testimony of a clean
conscience nesesary in such a case,
on the contrary wt unreadiness
& unwilingness to dye. what -
horour of the instant judgment
of the omniscious god, against
whoom they have variously &

16            Conversio Morum

infinitly trangresed without
having done any satisfaction
for the same, tht may be accep-
-table, have trully intended his
love, service, & worship in noth-
-ing at all. albeit they were
persons that bare the amplest
tonsure, & all other externe
tokens, answerable to the proffes-
-ion they had made of becoming
& remaining holly, both in soull,
and body consecrated, to the sin-
cere, & faithfull service of god,
have cheifly sought after their
own honour, & the loves, & favours
of men, with their other private

       Conversio Morum          17

ends in all things thro out the
whole course of their life, and
besides likely have sought after
curiosities & novelties, neglec-
ting the knowing & looking af-
-ter, of the Unicum necessari-
um, wheras god out his speciall
grace, had called them to another
(being in its its self most happy)-
course of life, for his own honour
& their souls perfection, & hapin-
ess, & being in such estate, had
provided for them, all that pert-
ain'd to their corporall nesesities
or otherwise might be needfull
or of use for their soulls good, and
that in a place, (being a Cloyster)

18        Conversio Morum

wch he likewise had provided
for m most apt for receaving
the dailly influxes of e divine gr-
-ace, if t they would but hve
made right use of the place,
besides wt natural tallents of
wit, learning, and other abilities
or gifts he had bestow'd upon m
towards e more securing of
their soulls, & all these favours
of his to be perverted in use by
them, as aplied to contrary purposes, what
a dispairing state of conscience
is it like to cause? Gods farther
grace enable us to prevent these
miseries, by undertaking such -

         Conversio Morum        19

course as pertains to us, to
doe, and to wch god has called, &
dailly invites us, or is ready to
invite us, more manifestly, if
that we would but doe our parts
towards it, whereby we might be
able to doe therin, that which
our holly father calls upon us to
doe, by those words of his, let us
therfore at length, e scripture
exciting us & saying, it is now
the hour to rise from sleep and
our eyes being opened to the dei-
-fying light, let us with astonish'd
ears hear, wt the divine voyce
daily crying out, admonishes us

20           Conversio Morum

saying, this day if you shall
hear his voice, harden not
your hearts, run whilst you
have the light of life, least the
darkness of death surprise you.
whilst there is leasure, and oper-
-tunity, by e way of s light, to
fulfill all these things, we must
now run, & perform wt may pro-
-fit us for ever, and indeed an
extroverted liver tho religious-
-ly proffesed, is not as yet conver-
-ted, but needs between him, and
god, a new conversion, & soe those
words of our Holly father, in his
prologue doe properly concern

        Conversio Morum          21

him & his case. & those men
of the greater naturall tallents
if they should neglect such seri-
-ous councell, & exhortation of
our holly father, may greatly fear
their case to be that wch Saint
paull expresses in these words,
they were inexcusable, bec-
ause when they did know
god they did not as they shud
doe glorify god. but cheifly
sought after their own glory, and
private self end.
          B. Ang: Fulg:
On a certain time, while I
pray'd in my Cell, these words

22          B. Ang: Fulg:

were say'd unto me, interiourly
by god, all they w are taught by
god, and are iluminated, to know
& understand the way of God, and
against this light and teaching
(wch is in spirit proposed unto m
by god doe shutt their ears that
their eyes, that they may not see
nor will atend nor harken to t
wch Christ, dos speak unto them
in their soull, but become alto
-gether darkned and doe folow
other doctrins, then such as they
have or may have from God, and
will hold the comon way of living,
against consience, they have
a curse from Alm: God.

they may not hear and vertically in margin

[Pages 23-244 give materials in English from Fenelon, Bishop of Cambray, followed by reflections on Feastdays, pp- 244-293]


. . .
       other Colections.

O sweet waters of Divine love
which flow from the bosom of e
Divinity, and from the open side
of my saviours humanity, run
into my bowels, and like a pure

               Colections               294

Oyle penetrate, & posses every
part & parcell of my spirit.
I will open unto you my Divine
spouse, the dore of my heart, and
will make you a lodging in the depth
therof, t you may live with me
for ever.
How often have I prostrated my
self in your presence, beging to
be fill'd with the bread of your chil-
-dren, and yet am empty and needy;
but you are just O Lord, and your
judgments are equitable.
two things, I have frequently and
fervently beg'd of you my God, grant
them unto me before I dy, to wit

295         Colections

the love of you above all things
and Humility of heart beneath
all things.
Why after so many sighs, and
tears doe I not find grace in yr
O Peaceable King wse face the
Angells desire to behold, & to wm
all creatures of the earth pay
I acknowledge myself your slave,
and would wilingly every moment
pay you, the tribute of my heart,
but self love hinders me, and na-
-ture interposes herself. take
therefore by force, wt through
frailty I canot give.

            Colections               298

O my beloved, let me dive
into the depth of my soull, and
there finding you transform me
into thy self my Originall, to the
end you may take your delight
in me.
free me, O free me from all trans-
-itory things, and let me be absorpt
in thee.
Give thy self to me, and flow into
my soull,
O my begining when shall I return
to thee, and puting of whatsoever
I have bine formerly, be transfor-
-ed into thee.
O when shall I dispise all sensible

297         Colections

for you my God.
When shall all my tepidity, and
imperfection be consumed by e
imensity of your love.
My God I doe preffer e being in
totall subjection to your love divine
will, before all power, s bondage
before all freedom.
from henceforth hapen wt will,
or wt soever it costs me, even to
the end of my life, I will not -
cease with all the powers of my
soull, to seek after the love of
my god.
Give me O my God, a free intro-
version, of my thoughts into thee
that leaving all things else wthout

              Colections               298

me, I may easily, reverently,
and lovingly, retire my self into
the most secret parts of my soull
to thee; where no other thoughts
may interupt the amourous con
versation of my soull with thee.
Distill some litle dew, & drop, of
devotion, into my dry and desolate
that I may serve you my god, wth
fervour, and alacrity, the few days
and hours that remain of this my
wretched and wearisome pilgri-
Good god turn all these sweet things
into wormwood and biterness, wch
wud avert my soull from you.

299          Colections

When shall I get the spirit of
introversion, and familiar conver
-sation with my God, in the center
of my soull, and the most secret clos-
et of my heart.
When shall I hear the sweet &
sillent whisperings of his Blesed
voice speaking love and peace
to my soull.
When shall I like the Dove in the
ark repose my faint and weary
limbs in the bosom of my creator.
O Divine wisdom lead me into
thy solitude, speak unto my hart
teach me thy Holly will, in all oc-
casions and occurences.

                 Colections                  300

My sighs and secret desires are
not hid from you; you know t
nothing can fully content me but
you your self, t Unum necesari-
um. take myself, and all and
give me that one; in wch is all
Doe you most loving Jesus, take
from me the love, and affection of
all creatures, so that I may love
you allone most purely.
O live my beloved, live in me, and
let me die.
O let my Creator come into his ta-
bernacle, and temple, where he
may remain Lord, and King.

301            Colections

O my Lord give me a heart soe tru-
-ly desirous of yr divine love, that
it be always inclined and cary'd
towards it tending and aspiring
to attain it.
O fill my soull with a couragious
affection intirely resolved for yr
love, to transcend and overpass
all difficulties, without desisting.
Let not my desire of your love, (my
Dear Lord god) depend one anny
creature, time, or accident, but
let all I doe say, or think, wholly
depend upon, and be order'd by that.
O Glorious Jesus, you fill heaven
and earth, why then will you leave

                Colections               302

only my heart void and empty.
O Peace wch surpasest all under-
standing, Quiet the tumults and
storms wch are within me, that I
may hear your voice in the ears
of my soull.
Let me be so profoundly introverted
into e most secret depth of my -
soull, t the world may apear to
me as a foreigne and strange coun
try of wch I have only heard but
know nothing.
Conduct me into a solitude so int-
-ernall, t I may forget there is
enything in the world that concerns

303                 Colections

My God I consecrate myself to
you allone, for the whole remnant
of my life to persue the exercises
of an internal life: leaving the
fruit and sucess of my endeavours
to your holly will.
I Offer unto you, my god, this desire
and resolution of my heart. that
notwithstanding my continuall in-
-devotion, my infinit distractions, &
deffects &c: I will never give over
the exercises of an internall life.
My God till you have humbled that
great pride wch is in me, do not
spare to send me daily yet more
and Greater Humiliations and

                Colections              304

I offer myself unto you to suffer
with patience and with quietness
whatsoever desolations, obscurity
of mind or deadness of affections,
that shall befall in a spirituall
course: notwithstanding all wch
thro your grace, I will never neg-
lect a serious tendance to you.
I am content to serve you with
those mean tallents you have gi-
-ven me.
I doe renounce all solicitude to
please others; or to gain the affec-
tions of any to myself.
I doe resigne myself to such pain

305          Colections

-full, and withall base offices,
as my proud and slothfull nature
dos abhor; whensoever obedience,
charity, or you will shall impo-
-se them one me.
I yeild my self to endure all maner
of injuries, and contempts; and
yet to be esteemed by others impati-
-ent and revengefull.
I doe utterly renounce all familia-
-rity and all unecesary corespond
-ance with persons of a different sex.
I resign myself not only to want
the esteem of my superiors: but
also to be despised and hardly, yea
injuriously treated by them.

or favour vertically in margin

               Colections                   306

My god whatsoever affliction or
desertion you shall suffer to befall
me; through your grace I will nei
ther omit, neglect, nor shorten my
daily appointed recolections.
I renounce rashness, readiness, and
forwardness to judge the actions of
others: employing all my severity
in censuring myself only.
for your love I renounce the seek-
-ing after curious and impertinent
I renounce all sensuall content in
sleep, or other corporall refreshments,
being desirous to admit no more of
them, then shall be necessary and
in obedience to your will.

307                Colections

Jesus who art the prince of peace
and wse habitation is in peace:
I offer my heart unto you, that you
may establish a firm peace in it,
calming the tempestuous pasions
that so often rage in it.
I renounce all affection to speaking.
I doe renounce all solicitous designs
to gain the affections of superiors
or others; with anny intention to
procure therby ease or contentment
to nature.
I am contented with wtsoever you
shall provide for my sustenance,
how mean, how litle and how dis-
gustfull soever it be.
I resolve thro your grace that my

            Colections                308

great and daily deffects shall not
destroy my peace of mind, nor confi-
dence in your goodness.
O my god, when will the time come
that you will lead my soull, into yr
O tepidity, I abhor thee, my god
teach me an effectuall cure and
remedy against it: let not my later
end be worse than my begining.
My god I offer unto you my heart, t
whatsoever yet unknown inordinate
desires are yet in it, you may teach
me to mortify them, by any ways
you shall please.
I renounce all resting affection to
sensible gusts, in my recolections:

309            Colections

resolving to adher firmly to yu
as well in aridities as consolations
My God I am nothing, I have noth-
ing, neither doe I desire anny thing
but you.
I renounce all knowledge that
may hinder, or distract me from e
knowledge of my own deffects, and
My God I have neither Devotion, nor
attention: and indeed I doe not des-
-erve either. only I beseech you to
have accept of my sufferings.
My God you are the author, end &
measure of all purity, and holiness:
before wm folly is found even in e

                  Colections                 310

how infinit then is your goodness,
since you desire that my heart may
become a temple for your Holiness
to dwell in.
O that your presence would purify
it from all strange and unworthy
affections to creatures.
O that there I might have my only
conversation wth you in a holly soli-
tude and silence.
My God, give me this Proof of sincere
love to you, to make me love you
as well comanding, as promising,
as well chastisin, as comforting.
I doe adore you my god with my
whole heart, with most profound hum-

311             Colections

-ility and reverence.
and because you only are most
worthy of all love: I doe and for
ever will (thro yr grace) love yu
with a most entire and sincere love.
        act of Contrition
O Lord Jesus, I am sory with all my
heart for all the sins where with
I have in my life time offended you
and purpose the best I can to avoid
all sin for the future, and s purely
for your love, and for the infinit -
excelency and worth that is in you,
and without respect of any comodi-
ty, or gain to come to me by this
my doing; but purely and only for
your honours sake, I avert my

                Colections               312

will from all sins past & future.
    of Love & resignation
I choose you my God for my only
Love, and doe renounce and aband-
on all other loves; and this only be-
cause you are worthy of all love, and tht
nothing is worthy to be loved but
for your sake. I yeild and resigne
up into your hands, both my self and
all other creatures for so much as lies
in me to doe it, and that both for
time and eternity; and this only be-
cause all wills and all creatures
ought in all justice, to be conformable
and Subject to your will.

313            Colections

Alass Lord, I desire to pray unto
you, but my memory is weak, my
imagination so wandering, my -
pasions so strong, and my love soe
cold, that I am not where I am, nor
know not what I say.
Lord teach me how to pray, praying
Yourself within me.

Nullus dat nisi suum.
Argentum vel aurum
Summe praetiosum
tibi dare non possum
quia non habes
sed quod habes, do
amorem ex animo
tibi consecrato ~ ~ ~
  Col: out of Conversio morum     314

Tis wonderfull to experience, & see
the excesive goodness of god towards
those soulls (wo as yet are imperfect
but yett doe labour towards perfec
tion, cheifly by persutte of mentall
prayer, and wilingly and deliberate-
ly doe retain noe inordinate affecti-
-ons within them,) as how much he
bears with their deffectuosities, till
through length of time, & prosecuti-
on of their course, they may be amen
ded, how loving & familiar then &
in the mean time he is to them, how
he saves them from divers occasions
of sins, perills, and impediments t
of themselves, they would incur, how
they having offended, he soon rais-

315             Conversio morum

es them, restores them to his
former favour, raises them to a
higher degree then they were in
before, abolishes all remorse and
memory of all the sins before con-
tracted, and becoms readily & per
fectly atoned with e soull, as if
she had never offended; yea he se
ing she bears no affection to the
maters or occasions of those sins
or deffects, she daily out of a kind, of
necesity, ignorance, or infirmity
incureth, he would not have her to
discusse e same much in pertica-
lar, but to consume them alltoge
-ther, in a generall, amorous, mentall

             Conver: morum               317

conversion towards him, that leaves
not so much as a scarre of the for-
mer contracted evills, but salves
them up all, as if they had never
been; how he enables her for her -
spirituall good, to disgest with pati
ence & resignation those afflict-
ions, & bitternesses he provides, or
permits to fall on her for her pro-
bation, & in summe how he turns
all to her good, & gives her the grace
and light herself to discerne as
much, how carefull & solicitous he
is of her, & her good, how indulgent
to her, how liberall, how patient
& longanimous towards her about

317     Conversio Morum

her slow tendance to perfection
he knowing her naturall frailty;
and that she must have length of
space & time, & can run noe faster,
till he give greater measure of
his grace, & help whereof she who
-ly depends, how familiar with her
how ready to be found, even by one
conversion of the mind towards
him; & how easy to be held, especi-
aly if her perfection be the greatter
how daily urging, helping & enabling
with his inspiration, & grace, how
soon & most readily, & easily, pleased
and satisfied, after just cause of dis
pleasure given, these & other like
things the unexperienced can neith

         Conversio Morum,            318

er understand nor believe, how
the soull thro grace goten by the
mean of prayer, daily lesens her
affections to creatures, & amongst
them even to her own self, and to
the occasions of sins, & how e same
divine grace, draws her still more,
& more towards god himself alone
enabling her to get ground on nature
and in time as it were clean to tra-
nsend it & become habitualy (I mean
continualy acording to the posibili
-ty of this life) united to him e wch
to be is the state of perfection not
subject to sin, & such progress of the
soull is signified of her and other

319        Conversio morum

such like soulls by those words of e
psalmist; they shall goe. from ver
tue to vertue (& at last) shall see
the god of gods in (the mount) sion
that is the height of perfect cont-
-emplation, surmounting all creatures
wherein god that is all hapiness being
enjoyed, wt room is there for sin orwhat
other evill or unhapiness? & to be but
even in the way towards it, as are
all disciples of spirituality, is the
greatest comfort & happiness that can
be in this life (except perfection it
self) as giving the only or best token
of being in the supernaturall grace
and favour of god, and breeding and

             Conversio morum             320

increasing in the soull, an answera-
-ble testimony, & confidence of soe
being in the favour of god, such con-
fidence proceeding partly from the
tast & sight of the foresaid points of
love, & care she sees god daily shows
towards her, & partly out of this that
she sees herself thro his grace to doe
wt according to human frailty, in see-
-king after god, by such means as is -
proper & himself has ordained for it,
being charitative actuation in soull
prosecuting her soe doing, according to
the measure of his grace, & her hum-
-an ability, & how can these consider-
-ations but be a comfort to the soull,

321     Conversio morum

& that the greatest that can be in
this life; all these that I have be-
-fore specified be the singular pri-
-viledges of such a soull tho as yet -
imperfect much more be they of them
that are already become perfect.and the
sole ground thereof, is the daily con-
-versation of the soull with god by
means of mentall prayer, pursued
by her with all love, seriousness, &
~ Nothing has my lord god left un
-done which might win me wholy to
himself, and make me to dispise my
self, and all created things for his
love. for when I sinned, he recal'd
me and forsook me not in that my

Permission, Ampleforth Abbey Trustees

                      Colections D.G.               322

misery of offending such an infinit
goodness so shamefully, & that alsoe
after my entrance into religion,-
nay even after my proffesion in that
blessed state, the hapiness, & worth
wherof I did not yet know by which
means I grew weary of tending bear-
-ing therin his sweet yoke and
light burthen, the which is heavy
only thro our fault, & not in it self
through which default & ignorance
of mine, it became so greivous, and
intolerable to me, that I wish'd oft-
-en it might have bine shaken of from
by me pretending it was soe incom-
-patible with my good, that I could
323          Colections D.G.

scarcely work my salvation, in
this my state & profesion, this my
god you are wittness of was true, &
soe it did continue with me about
two years, after that I had in show
forsaken the world, & the world, ind-
-eed forsaken me, but did my lord
in these biter afflictions forsake me
no, no, but he provided such a help
for me, that quickly was my sorrow
turn'd into joy, yea into such an un-
speakable joy, that it has sweetned
all the sorows which since that time
has befalen me, for as soon as my soull
was set into a way of tending to my
god by prayer and abnegation, I found

           Colections D.G.                324

all my miseries presently disperse
themselves, & come to nothing; yea
even in five weeks my soull became
so enamour'd with the yoke of this -
my dear lord, t if I must have ma
de not only four, but even four th-
ousand vows, to have become wholy
dedicated to him, I should have em-
-braced this state with more joy, and
content then ever I did find in obta-
-ining that which ever I most of all
wish'd & desir'd; yea & thou knowest
my god by my souls being put into a
course of prayer, I seem'd to have now
found a true means, wherby I might
love without end, or measure.

325          Colections D.G.

~Woe to that soull, who over-
-come by threats, or persuasions
from without or by temptations
within her, or other occasions wt
soever gives over her mental pra
yer by mean wherof only she is ca-
-pable of diserning & folowing the
divine tract, inspiration, & will whnce
her whole good is to proceed, & ther
fore O you souls especialy that are
the more capable of internall pray-
er doe you accordingly prosecute it,
and be gratefull to god for the grace
of it, for it causeth the greatest ha-
-piness that is to be goten in this
life & an answerable hapiness, in
the future.

              Colections D.G.                  326

by it in this life one paseth through
all things how hard & painfull soever
they be by it we come to be familiar
even with god himself, & to have our
conversation in heaven, by it all im-
pediments will be removed between
god and the soull, by it you will receive
light & grace. for all that god would -
doe by you, by it you will come to reg-
-ard god in all things, & profitably
neglect your selves. by it you shall
know how to converse one earth
without preiudice to your selves souls,
and infine by it you will praise god
& become so united unto him, that
nothing shall be able to seperate

327         Colections D.G.

you for time or eternity from his
sweet goodness.
    out of e scale of perfection.
A wretched man is he that knows
not the worthiness of his soull nor
will know it, how it is the most wor-
-thy creature, that ever god made
except an angell to wm yet it is
like: high above all others, the wch
nothing can satisfy, as its full rest
but only god, and therefore should he
not love, nor like any thing but him
only, nor covet nor seek anything, but
how he may be reform'd to his image:
for he knows not this, therefore seeks
he & covets his rest, & his liking, out
wardly in bodily creatures, t are

            Scale of perfection             328

worse then himself, unnaturally &
unreasonably dos he act, that leaves
the sovereign good, & everlasting
life, (which is god) unsought & un-
loved, unknown, & unworship'd, and
chooses his rest & his bliss, in the fa-
ding delight of an earthly thing.
Alone and solitary, is a soull, wn
she loves Jesus, & atends wholy to
him & has lost all tast & comfort of
the world. and that she may the be
ter maintain this solitude within
her she avoyds the company of men
as much as she may, and seeks solit
tude of body, for that much helps to
solitude of the soull, as to the easie
& free working of love.

328              Colections

Wound O wound Dearest lord ths hard
& stony hart, convert almighty
love convert me, & remember noe
more my past crimes.
I hate destest & abhor from the bot-
-om of my soull all that ever displea
sed you in me
In perticular I am sory & repent t
this heart made by you, redeemed
by you, & consecrated to you which
should never have loved anything
but you, has bine defiled by undue
affection to creatures, & for a long
time refused to pay you that which
only belong'd to you.
those very things hinder me from
atending to you, which only had their

                 Colections                330

being from & in you.
Pardon oh Lord wt I have bine, cor-
-ect wt I am & direct what I am to be.
Calme my interiour, mortify and
regulate my exteriour, & subject
both to thee my god.
Oh make me yours dear Jesus, but
yours for ever
take pity upon me ungratefull crea-
-ture, One me your ungracious ser-
-vant be mercifull to me your re-
-belious child, spare & convert
me who have bine a most disloy-
-all spouse
oh that I had never stray'd from yu
my sovereign God.
Unfortunate hour when I first

331          Colections

admited into my heart foolish
and fond affections
Oh that I had kept inviolably the
faith, I promised you one my prof
fesion day when in the presence of
angells & men, of the whole trium
phant & militant church, in the
sight of celestialls, & terestialls
I was solemnly espoused to you my
O how short a space did I keep my
how soon did I break my Oath of
fidelity, with wt impudency did I
pull th sacrifice from the altar
with wt frenzy did I show my self
poses'd when I slighted the sacred

                Colections                 332

enticements of your unwearied
tho injur'd love
You cald me my god, & I refused to
listen to you, you whisperd to my
heart sweet reproaches of my ingra-
titude you invited me to look a lit-
le into it, & see the miserable
condition it was in, by having for
saken you, you promis'd to return
into it again, to forget & forgive all
if I would cast from it, t vain affecti
on which made you leave it, but I
obstinatly deny'd all you demanded
I harden'd my heart against your fa
-therly admonitions, & refus'd to sub-
mit my stif neck to your light and
easy yoke.

333           Colections

Oh thou that madest me, have
mercy upon me.
Lord I confess my self unworthy of
pardon, but where sin has aboun
ded thro thy mercy grant that
grace may more abound
Your mercy Dear lord canot apear
with greater splendor n in your
pardoning me. therfore for the
glory of your name convert and
change me into a new creature, &
save the work of your hands.
I stray'd from you lord by seeking
after vanity, & multiplicity, oh draw
me back again, by the contrary way
of humility & simplicity.
Oh simplicity, oh holy & aimiable

                Colections                    334

simplicity, e only means for my
soull to please god, is to posses this di-
vine vertue wt shall I doe being soe
great a stranger to it, & so caried
& huried away as I am by multipli-
city, O my God the Unicum necesa-
rium, fill & replenish my soull soe
entirely, that there may be room
for nothing else.
to the simplicity in which you did
create me, let me return again
Jesu, affecto solum te, in tua sim-
plicitate, ex mei simplicitate
Jesu, praesta ut simplicem, simplex
te semper cogitem, et intensisime
amem nec aliud quid affectem.

335              Colections

Simplex, egressus sum a te
simplex regrediar in te.
Quid proderit universa vanitas, cum
novissima hora veniet, et revelabis
consilia cordium.
In aeternitate, et non in tempore
sit mea mens fixa.
Lord make me simple as a Dove.
O when shall I comprehend the happi
-ness that is in being forsaken by all
creatures, being protected by god, &
living alone to him in sweet solitude
and silence
Lord be mercifuly my suport, & com
-fort, unless you sustain me I sink &
perish, for great is the war, & strife
I sometimes experience, when endea

                Colections                   336

vouring to forsake, & overcome my
pasions, & vices, I frequently seem to
lose ground, & am in danger to be swa-
low'd up by the fury of the waves
wch rise against me.
O Jesus speak one word say this soull
is mine it shall not perish, then
all my enimies will be put to flight
the tempest will cease a great calm
will ensue, & my faint & weary soull
shall then repose under e shadow of
her beloved, & most lovely lord.
Lord be not weary of me, cast me not
of from thy care, but let thy mercy
blot out, wt thy justice has against
me, forsake me not tho I have never
done any good in thy sight.

337             Colections

I thought in s state of holly religion
in which you have placed me, to hve
found most certain, & asured means
to please you & save my soull, but alass
I see I am soe miserable that I can
doe nothing nor make use of those helps
I find here, but time & all things
pass away, & I still remain as I was, &
it seems to me I am left wholy to my
howsoever I am come into this state
of miserie, whether by my own fault or
by thy extraordinary providence, I will
now submit myself unto you, and rec
ceive all which hapens to me, herin
as from your hand, beseeching you to
accomplish your eternal designes

                 Colections                  338

in me, hereby, & never to forsake
me, who wilingly resigne my self, to
remain in this poor & desolate case
as long as it shall please you.
Lord, when tediousness, anxiety, and
darkness doe overwhelme me, when
temptations arisse, and pasions are
vehemently moved within me, when
tepiditie dos lie heavy upon me, wn
devotion, & consolation, is wholy with
drawn, & dulness, desolation, aridi
ty, & persecution, doe opress me, wn
unexpected infirmities, & mortifi-
cations, doe sudenly rush upon me,
when afflictions one all sides doe
asaile me, & my own frailty, & weak-
ness dos terify & almost wholy deject

339                    Colections

me, then, then, will I lift up my
weeping eyes, to you, & from e depth
of my miserie cry to you for sucour
You are my father, & have obliged
your self to sucour me in my nes
-esities, you see them lord wt then
can I fear
Before, you alone my god who on-
ly dost know, & consider the la-
bours & difficulties of your servants
will I pour forth my heart like water
in thy sight, with all the troubles af-
ections & inclinations of it.
O my god why doe you leave me, thus
still in my self, O how far distant
are you from me, you are every where
yet I canot find you, certainly tis

                 Colections                340

only because I am soe great a sin-
-ner, & put soe many impediments on
my side.
Alass lord I am so united to my evils
that I can never hope to be sepera-
ted from them: but though they
should be incarnate within me, are
not you strong enuff to deliver me fr-
-om them.
Behold my creator in wt estate I
come to present my self before you,
I am poor & languish here in my mise
-ry, & you see it, & doe still permit
it tho it be most easy for you to re-
medy it. till when lord, till when
will you forbear to sucour me.
I am alone & there is none but you

341               Colections

to help me, I were alone indeed, if
without you all creatures were pre
sent with me, but if you only were
with me, tho all creatures should
return to their first nothing in you
alone I should find all things.
Being wt I am lord, for your love I
will be contented, that your creatures
should abandon, contemne, censure
persecute, & tread upon me, only I
beg you will have compasion of my
poverty, help me & heall my infirmi
ties, for not the sound, but the sick need
the physician.
Lord you know I have placed all my
hope & peace in you.
Oh you w despisest none t fly unto

              Colections               342

you in misery, hear & help me in tht
which I suffer ~
O my creator & only refuge, in wse
presence I continualy am, & on wm
I totally depend, for your love, I
renounce my own will, (& by yr grace)
I resigne myself intirely to you, wth
all that I am, have, or can doe, or suf-
fer in soul, body, honour, freinds, or
externall goods, & comodities, and
renounce all affection to them, save
only for, & in you.
I reserve to myself noe maner of
will, but choose & embrace yours,
and desire with all my soull, that
that may be fully accomplish'd in

343               Colections

me, by me, & about me and all things
else, for time, & eternity.
Relying wholy upon the asistance
of your grace I resign my self to suf-
-fer all maner of temptations, corpo-
-rall & spirituall, internall, & exter-
-nall, (as N.N.) where with it shall
please you to exercise, & prove me
and I embrace e present, where in
thro thy providence, & permision,
I now am, and am contented to rem
-ain in them (tho never so contrary
and biter to my nature) as long as
you will that they continue, and I
resolve by your grace never more
to offend, but always to adhear to

                  Colections                 345

faithfuly to you; and tho through
frailty I prove frequently faulty, &
defective, yet will I never give over
but will more humbly & instantly beg
the asistance of your grace, & use my
most diligent endeavours, to reform wt
is amiss, & will be more carefull for
the future, confiding wholy in you.
Lord I abandon my self to your provi-
dence, dispose of me according to yr
will, & employ me wholy to the last
moment of my life in your service,
& let me serve you according to your
liking not according to my own.
Doe you choose for me, wt you would
have me doe & suffer, & I will consent
to it, & settle myself to perform your

346                   Colections

will therin.
though these difficulties, temptations,
fears, doubts, anxieties, darknesses, ar-
idities, &ctra, should persue me all
my life, I will not lose courage, nor
slacken my poor endeavours, but assure
myself, it is all permited for my good
and that you will not faill to provide
all necesary means for the salvation
of your poor desolate slave, who des
ires noe other hapiness then totaly
to depend upon you, to be truly aban-
don'd to your mercy, by the means of
these & wt other miseries you will
& eternaly to glorify you her lord, &
O Pater Amantissime paccavi in

                     Colections                 347

coelum, et coram te, jam non sum
dignus vocari filius tuus, sed fac me
begnissime Jesu, sicut unum ex
mercenariis tuis.
Et qu quae merces mea? tu es, bone
Jesu, et vere magnanimis.
O my Soull, for the love of Jesus, the
Zealous lover of soulls, hate sin wth
a hatred beyond death, yea hell itself.
O Sin, how horrible, how execrable,
art thou, t wert able to procure, &
inflict, so ignominious, & afflicting
tormenting, & accursed a death, upon
the son of god, himself.
O what an affliction it is to me, to
consider with how bitter anguishes
& tortures you my Lord hast redeem-

348               Colections

ed & pay'd, for the falce contentments
which I take in creatures? oh what
consolation can I receive but only
by considering with all that your
mercy shall be eternaly glorified &
my malice, & ingratitude shall be
How long O lord, how long O holly Je
sus, how long shall be my soull be in my
own hands? it is yours lord created
of nothing, by your almighty power
and redeem'd from sin, & misery, by
your precious blood: into your hands
therefore I comend it, dispose of it ac
-cording to your good pleasure for time
& eternity.
I invite you lord into s my soull which

               Colections                       349

in some measure, you have prepared
for the receiving of you, by the desi-
re you have inspired into it.
My God I am weary of adhering to
creatures: O let me find rest in you
Can it be my God t my soull is thy
tabernacle which is filled with soe
many vain images? O purify this
sanctuary of yours, & doe not sufer
it to be prophaned by impure affecti-
on to creatures.
Memento mei Dne, qui chananeam
et publicarum vocasti ad penitentiam
et petrum lachrymantem suscepisti.
Lord w shall deliver me from the bo-
dy of this death & sin; who shall res-

350                    Colections

-cue me from s captivity of sensu
-ality? I persue those vain delights
which my reason despises & hates:
and tho not only faith, but experien-
ce alsoe has convinced me, t what
soever afflictions are sent me by yu
are not only good, but of all others
most proper for my present state
yet canot I without repining submit
myself to them, by wch I evidently
show how necessary they are for me.
If I were assured to be eternally
seperated from you my god, yet by
your grace from my soull I protest -
t I desire to doe now just as if I
were assured to be eternaly united
to you: since all my love & obedience

                Colections                  351

is due to you, for being wt you are
though no reward were to be exp-
O most faithfull Jesus w wilt never
sufer me to be tempted above wt I am
able; woe to me w by your help may
do all things, yet thro my own negligen
ce & cowardliness let myself be over
come by every temptation.
Lord behold I choose you for my heaven,
& sin only shall be hell to me here!
Domine non confundar quoniam invo-
cavi te.
Quicquid egeris de me, non desistam
sperare in te.
Haec sit consolatio mea bone jesu,
tecum crucifigi, tecum despici, tecum

352                  Colections

Haec sit mihi afflictio, extra te
Jesu propter te, abnego omne quod
infra te, vel praeter te.
Lord I will powre out my soull before
you. that at least I may comfort my
self before with relating to you my
to you my god will I cry looking up
to you, as a garden bed thirsting for
a shower.
O the incomprehensible condescend
-ance, & benignity of god! there is no
thing in the world so inconsiderable
that by meer desiring it, can be obt-
ain'd: & yet he the only infinit and
eternal Good, may by one hearty des
-ire, be eternaly possesd.

                       Colections                   353

Lord, all things are posible to you
if it be posible raise this heart of
mine above all things wt soever
you my god art not, that I may seek
find, & eternaly posses you.
trahe me, ut currere, incipiam ferventer
post te. Opus mihi est tractu, et mag-
na tractu.
si trahis, ecce venis, ecce festino
curro ferves, sin autem nec curro
nec quaero, vix est, quo sequi deside-
Domine quod in me capisti gratis
tu perfice in me gratis.
Tu dives in misericordia, et largus
in premiis da mihi de bonis tuis,
ut ex [?] serviam tibi.

354                       Colections

fac me Deus nihil cogitare, Nisi
quod possit te delectare
Domine nil praester te in caelo
vel hic in terra volo, tu solus suf-
ficis, cum solus bonus sis.
O Domine , ignem admove holocaus
to meo, ut absumatur totum in am
-ore tua, et ut sit tibi hostia accepta
ad honorem tuum sempiternum.
All I desire is t I may love you
my Dear God, & become totaly sub-
-ject to you.
behold (to my confusion) all things
doe your will, except me who doe
in all contradict it.
Intolerabilis inpudentia est, ut
ubi majestas exinanitur, vermiculus

             Colections                  355

infletur et intumescat.
Qui Clasmasti me, fiat voluntas
tuas in me.
Unam petii a te, hanc requiram, ut
faciam voluntatem tuam omnibus
diebus vitae meae.
Quod fui, Domine ignosce: quod sum
corrige; quod ero, dirige.
O that all were annihilated in me
but only an act of consent to yr will.
I adher in all kinds to your known
and unknown designes, & abandon
myself unto them wth all my hart.
Pater fiat voluntas tua bona, et non
mea mala.
Revertere anima, revertere colum-
ba ad no in arcam quia diu foris

356               Colections

manere non est securum.
Expecta, reexpecta; modicum
ibit, et post modicum redibit? hoc
totum amor fecit.
Spero Domine, et licet moram fecer
-is, expectans expectabo te, quia
veniens venies, et non tardabis.
Quod vero desiderium hoc meum;
tu nosti, tu unus es, Jesu Benignis-
Sitivit anima mea ad te deum fon-
-tem vivum, quando veniam, et ap
-parebo ante faciem tuam.
Lord you doe solicite & entreat my
love, as if you (w are beatitutde
itself) could not be hapy without
me. and I neglect and refuse yu

               Colections                    357

as if I (w am most miserable wth
-out you) should lose by you.
I can neither Love god nor know
how to treat with him; O eternall
Word & you divine spirit say to
the eternall father, wt I should say to
him, & love him for me, for t I wld
fain doe but canot.
O my soull when will you love, as
you are loved.
I should not be at all my God, if I
were not in you, from wm are all
things, by whom & in whom and all
to wm are all things.
O what greater proof can I have of
your goodness & love to me, then s
that you suffer nothing, to be sweet

358                   Colections

and satisfactory to me wch you
my God, art not.
thro your infinit mercy my Dear
and most endearing god, my heart
is always uneasy & disatisfied (and
soe may it be more & more) when
ever it seeks content & satisfaction
in creatures.
O impenetrable hardness of my hart.
love which triumphed over e son
of god, leading him as it were captive
from the throne of Glory to the cross
and thence to the grave: s omnipo-
tent love has not yet conquer'd my
obdurate heart; but still vain im-
-ages, and sensual affections do poss
es it. banishing the god of my heart

                  Colections                    359

and my portion for ever. but you
O lord how long.
Remember my God you have said -
with a perpetuall love have I lov-
ed you, & therefore have I drawn
you (to me) taking pity on you.
make good your words. Dear lord, draw
me, but draw me soe forcibly and fast-
en me soe strongly to you that I
may never be able to depart anny
how can I seeking you fear to be for
-saken by you, Who invitest even
those t doe refuse to seek you.
What the joys of those are who are
intimatly united to you I know not
lord, only this I know that I am

360            Colections

in a restless biterness, where soev
-er I am out of you whether it be
in creatures or in myself.
O my God the desire of my soull is
to abandon all that I may enjoy
you: O You my Lord t hearest even
the preparation of the heart, how
long shud s desire be ineffectuall.
O how miserable am I without yu
lord! yet woe be to me, for all I kno
this, I continue tepid, & negligent
in seeking to be united to you.
O when shall I empty my mind, from
all affections and images, which do
hinder your rest in my heart that
soe I may become capable of enjoy-
-ing you in the very center of my

            Colections                        361

O Jesus wt have I, in heaven but yu
for it is you only that gives me an
interest there, and wt is there one
earth tht I can desire, in comparis
-on of you.
O my god I am weary & tired, with the
tyrany my sensuall will exercises
over me, O when will you turn my
captivity as the torent in the south.
Lord for your sake I am content to
be forgoten, & unknown to all creat-
ures, or known only to be contemn'd
and troden underfoot by all.
O most Dear god, if after this life
there were to be noe diference bet-
ween those that suffer for you, and
those t doe not, yet by your grace

362                  Colections

I would choose to suffer, because
therby I should be made conforma-
-ble to you, w for my sake was pleas'd
to become a suffring & humble God
O Domini mi, Deus amoris, quando
tacebunt omnia in conspectu tuo,
et sola loqueris mihi.
Ecce in terra hac deserta, et inaquosu
ego, ego quem nosti, infelix ego, felix
tamen quia sto coram te hodie, appa
-reo tibi, ut gustem quam suavis sis
animae meae, ut videam virtutem, &
Gloriam tuam.
Quae enim est expectatis mea nonne
tu Domini mi, salvator mi? quod est
eritque in aeternum solatium meum.

             Colections                    363

nonne tu Deus totius consolationis.
Vere, vere amarum est, amarum
te derelinquere pulcherime spon-
-se animae, dulcissime Jesu, tu enim
dulcedo ineffabilis totus desiderab-
ilis. Vae ergo mihi si derelinquam
O eternall god who hast loved me
from all eternity, I am resolved to
love you the short time which rem-
-ains of my life, to the end I may lo-
-ve you for all eternity.
I doe entirely renounce all the int-
erests of self love, t I may purely
perform yr will O my God.
O God, my only, infinit, eternall, and

364                    Colections

(withall) most present good; how
miserable should I be, if you should
yeild satisfaction to all my desires,
therefore blesed be you my god, for
crosing and contradicting them.
Lord from this moment I renounce
my own will, & beseech you to will
for me: only give me strength to
perform wt you require of me, and
require wt you please, for in cont-
-enting you lies all my hapiness.
My God, are not you always present
with me, doe not you who fillest all
things pierce even to my very intrails
and spirit, nay have you not placed
your throne even in the center of
my soull, why doe I then aprehend

                    Colections             365

want who am replenished wth you,
how can I fear danger w am prot-
ected by you.
O how insensible am I of that ines-
timable favour, of yours to me, that
I am capable of sufring for you, wch
is not alow'd to the angells.
Heu mihi Dne, quia tam parum pos-
-sum pro te. Saepe propono, et de de
cem vix unum perficio. multa sunt
verba, sed opera pauca, totum est
culpa mea, et excusatio nulla. Pec
-cavi Domine, miserere mei.
Blesed be you my God who though yu
justly suffer me sometimes to take
delight in creatures, yet always min-

pati vertically in margin

366                 Colections

-glest much biterness therwith, to
make me see & feell how uncapable
any creature is to procure solid
contentment to my soull. whereby
I know asuredly that you love and
are mindfull of me.
Jesus my god, when shall I become
a holocaust of love to you, who made
your soull an offring for sin, for my
Woe's me my god for I am a vile ung
-ratefull creature, & yet you love me:
where as you are infinit Goodness,
and immarcescible beauty, & yet I
love not you as I ought.
O how long shall I in vain expect to

               Colections                  367

enjoy your divine presence in my
soull, are you everywhere my god,
how then comes it, that I can find
you noe where.
O what joy is it to my soull to call
to mind that saying of yours, My
delights are amongst the children
of men.
Why doe you desire our love, why
are you angry, & threaten us if we
love you not, O be you blesed for ever
it is not because you who are all-
sufficient has need of us, but least
we being devided from you, should
incurre eternall misery.
Let your own goodness praise you &

368            Colections

make my soull live, and it shall
glorify you eternaly.
O Love, love, love; O Divine chari-
-ty: O fire sent from heaven which
Jesus the zealous lover of souls, dos
so vehemently desire should be enki-
ndled in the world, when wilt thou-
inflame s tepid, & insensible hart
of mine.
Lord you are the only portion, and
inheritance of my soull, therefore
I will expect you.
O show me your heavenly counten-
ance & I shall be safe.
Lord you know How I groan in spirit
and how biterly I murmur against
myself, because I doe soe tepidly, &

                   Colections               369

slowly seek after you.
O Jesus good master is it nothing to
you, t I am thus tiranised over by
my inordinate pasions, rise lord, rise
& help me bid the tempest cease &
make my soull calmly, & faithfully
O why doe you not wholy posses, and
raigne in the kingdom of my soull
which you have purchased at soe
dear a rate.
Perfice Deus meus, quo solus potes,
in anima mea regnum tuum.
Hodie si vocem tuam audiero, nolo
obdurare cor meum.
Audiam quid loquaris in me Domine

370              Colections

quoniam loqueris, spero, hodie pa
cem in derelictam animam meam.
Lord I am come hether to seek you
alone, but alass being unwilingly
acompanied wth vain Images of
creatures, & my own more pernici
-ous self will, I have not yet bine
able to find you.
O when will you give me to see yu
alone in all things, in you alone to
posses all things, from you alone to
receive all things, & to you alone
to direct all things.
O what a confusion is it to me, when
I consider in myself, the hardness
of my ill nature, who though Alm:
ighty god did me wonderfull favours

                 Colections                371

yet he could never have my heart
till he used force & violence.
foolish is that Religious, who having
broken the chains of Gold and silver
which make so many captives in the
world, lets her self be bound in Re-
ligion with threads of flax. I mean
with toys, & things of nothing.
Alass my god how ought I to be grei
ved for having loved you so litle
heretofore, & having given the
most precious treasure of my heart
from you, to creatures.
Wt can I doe now, but be sory for my
fault, & begin again from s instant
to love you seriously, I will love

372              Colections

you my god in all, & thro all, wheth
er I am in consolation, or adversi-
-ty, as well in the winter of interi-
-our aridities, as in the spring time
of your gifts & graces, as well in e
combat with my imagination, as
in a calme, & tranquility, I will doe
all that pleases you, & abstain from
all that displeases you, & suffer all
that you permit, through love, and
wish that all my breathings, all my
steps, & all my motions might be -
acts of love.
You are all Goodness my God and
I am an abyss of misery, and ingra-
titude, since I have not loved you;
I have had affection to vile, deceitful

                   Colections             373

and transitory creatures, & have
had none to you, but for the future
I will bend all my industry to learn
the science of dying to my self, tht
I may perfectly live to you, which
was the end of my coming to Reli-
I now sacrifice myself unto you
my god, to begin anew, and am not
weary of my obligation to you alrea-
-dy assured, but desire to be more
strictly ajoured Obliged to your ser-
-vice if posible, I sacrifice unto yu
my purest affections, & for this cause
break with all creatures, burn &
consume my heart, O God, for I had
rather offer to you, the flames, &

374           Colections

ashes of it, then see it insensible
and uncapable of loving you. it is
now that I will sacrifise, & consecra
-te my heart to you, & renounce all
things tht I cannot love with you:
I present you with the sacrifise of my
humbled spirit, & I refuse noe pain
if you ordain it, burn sacrifice, and
spare neither health, honour, nor
freinds, I am even content to imo-
late unto you my Isaac, t is my
soull, my affections, and my life, soe
that one day I may live with you,
and love you in glory, & for all eternity.
fiat Domine mihi possibile per -
gratiam, quod mihi impossibile, vi
detur per naturam.

                    Colections              375

O incomprehensible God, O amiable
God, I adore you and I love you, yu
made me for your self alone; I am
yours and not my own.
O God soe great, and so familiar
with all; so high above the heav-
-ens, and yet so proportion'd to the
lowness of your creature; so im-
-mense and yet most intimatly en-
-closed in my heart; so terible and
yet so aimiable; so jealous, & yet
most easy for those w treat you wth
the familiarity of true love: wn
will your own children cease to be
ignorant of you, when shall My cold
and frozen heart be so trully con-
verted to you, as never to stray more.

370                   Colections

O Jealous God! for tis thus you are
yourself; a divided heart iritates
you; a stray'd heart you compasion-
-nate. you are infinit in all, in love,
as in wisdom, and in power: you
love as god. When you love you
remove heaven and earth, for to
save that which is dear to you, O
Lovely and most loving God, love me
and save me, by wt ways you please,
soe I may have the hapiness to be
beloved by you, I care not wt I endure.
O when shall I return love for love?
when shall I sincerely seek God, w
so amorously seeks me, and w carys
me in his arms? tis in his tender &
fatherly bosom that I forgett him.

                 Colections                  377

tis by the sweetness of his Gifts, t
I cease to think of him. that which
he gives me each moment, instead
of tendring me, dos but Amuse me.
he is the source. of all s pleasures;
creatures are but the grosse chanells;
and the chanell makes me neglect
the source, this imense love persues
me everywhere, and yet I cease
not to escape from his persutes,
he is everywhere, but I shutt my
eyes and See him no where. O in-
gratitude, O folly, O Miserable
hard heartedness, Lord alpowerfull
and all mercifull extend your chari-
table hand to heal s wounded &
languishing soull, heall me and I
shall be healed.

378              Colections

Lord, you know my ignorance, and
my infirmity O teach me, and heal
here below I have power to remain
but I have no mind to it. there ab
ove I have a will to be; butt I want
the power, and miserable I am in
both conditions.
I am poor and needy, & so much the
more acceptable unto you my god,
whilst I am displeased with myself
in the midst of my secret groans,
and whilst I am seeking your mer-
-cy; till such time as my deffects &
ruins may be repaired by you, and
my soull may be perfected towards
the state of peace, where with the

                  Colections               379

Eye of arrogant persons is nothing
you see O Lord, the beating and
trembling of my heart; yet tis but
reason that I should have a strong
hope in you, that you will cure all
my languishing diseases which are
many and great, but your medicins
are greater and more sovereigne,
then they are dangerous.
let not the proud Divells have any
thing to lay to my charge, because
I consider the price of my redempti-
-on. Out of that provision I eat and -
drink, upon that stock I spend, and
being poor, I desire to be satisfied

380           Colections

amongst them that feed upon you &
are satisfied, and they that seek
our lord shall praise him
Behold we are your little flock, O
Lord forever keep the possesion of
us; spread your wings over us, that
we may securely fly under them.
O you the life of the poor, in whose
bosom there is no contradiction;
rain softness, and sweetness into
my heart, O most mild and peaceable
My faith wch you have kindled in
this night of mine, as a lamp before
my feet doth say; Why are you sad
O my soull, and why doe you afflict
me. hope you in god, hope and

                Colections               381

continue to do soe, till the night
doe pass away.
O most sweet Jesus, I offer unto you
all my tribulations, miseries, and
afflictions wch ever I have endured
or shall endure, to be united with
the merits of your most biter pas
sion, that thereby they may become
grateful unto you.

Me, et mea tibi Do
te, et tua vicissim postulo.
Desiderio desideravi
in Amore tecum univi
ne deneges ex corde petenti.
Ad superna citus volat
qui terrena non affectat.

The 'Colections' then ends with Dame Catherine Gascoigne's 'Defense of Dom Augustine Baker's Way of Prayer', originally written in 1633.










Portrait of Sir Robert Cotton who collected this manuscript with Pearl and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, and for whom Augustine Baker worked, who in turn helped preserve Julian manuscripts

Indices to Umilt Website's Essays on Julian:


Influences on Julian
Her Self
Her Contemporaries
Her Manuscript Texts
with recorded readings of them
About Her Manuscript Texts
After Julian, Her Editors
Julian in our Day

Publications related to Julian:


Saint Bride and Her Book: Birgitta of Sweden's Revelations Translated from Latin and Middle English with Introduction, Notes and Interpretative Essay. Focus Library of Medieval Women. Series Editor, Jane Chance. xv + 164 pp. Revised, republished,  Boydell and Brewer, 1997. Republished, Boydell and Brewer, 2000. ISBN 0-941051-18-8

To see an example of a page inside with parallel text in Middle English and Modern English, variants and explanatory notes, click here. Index to this book at http://www.umilta.net/julsismelindex.html

Julian of Norwich. Showing of Love: Extant Texts and Translation. Edited. Sister Anna Maria Reynolds, C.P. and Julia Bolton Holloway. Florence: SISMEL Edizioni del Galluzzo (Click on British flag, enter 'Julian of Norwich' in search box), 2001. Biblioteche e Archivi 8. XIV + 848 pp. ISBN 88-8450-095-8.

To see inside this book, where God's words are in red, Julian's in black, her editor's in grey, click here. 

Julian of Norwich. Showing of Love. Translated, Julia Bolton Holloway. Collegeville: Liturgical Press; London; Darton, Longman and Todd, 2003. Amazon ISBN 0-8146-5169-0/ ISBN 023252503X. xxxiv + 133 pp. Index.

To view sample copies, actual size, click here.

Julian of Norwich, Showing of Love, Westminster Text, translated into Modern English, set in William Morris typefont, hand bound with marbled paper end papers within vellum or marbled paper covers, in limited, signed edition. A similar version available in Italian translation. To order, click here.

'Colections' by an English Nun in Exile: Bibliothque Mazarine 1202. Ed. Julia Bolton Holloway, Hermit of the Holy Family. Analecta Cartusiana 119:26. Eds. James Hogg, Alain Girard, Daniel Le Blvec. Salzburg: Institut fr Anglistik und Amerikanistik Universitt Salzburg, 2006.

Anchoress and Cardinal: Julian of Norwich and Adam Easton OSB. Analecta Cartusiana 35:20 Spiritualitt Heute und Gestern. Salzburg: Institut fr Anglistik und Amerikanistik Universitt Salzburg, 2008. ISBN 978-3-902649-01-0. ix + 399 pp. Index. Plates.

Teresa Morris. Julian of Norwich: A Comprehensive Bibliography and Handbook. Preface, Julia Bolton Holloway. Lewiston: Edwin Mellen Press, 2010. x + 310 pp.  ISBN-13: 978-0-7734-3678-7; ISBN-10: 0-7734-3678-2. Maps. Index.

Fr Brendan Pelphrey. Lo, How I Love Thee: Divine Love in Julian of Norwich. Ed. Julia Bolton Holloway. Amazon, 2013. ISBN 978-1470198299


Julian among the Books: Julian of Norwich's Theological Library. Newcastle upon Tyne: Cambridge Scholars Publishing, 2016. xxi + 328 pp. VII Plates, 59 Figures. ISBN (10): 1-4438-8894-X, ISBN (13) 978-1-4438-8894-3.

Mary's Dowry; An Anthology of Pilgrim and Contemplative Writings/ La Dote di Maria:Antologie di Testi di Pellegrine e Contemplativi. Traduzione di Gabriella Del Lungo Camiciotto. Testo a fronte, inglese/italiano. Analecta Cartusiana 35:21 Spiritualitt Heute und Gestern. Salzburg: Institut fr Anglistik und Amerikanistik Universitt Salzburg, 2017. ISBN 978-3-903185-07-4. ix + 484 pp.

To donate to the restoration by Roma of Florence's formerly abandoned English Cemetery and to its Library click on our Aureo Anello Associazione:'s PayPal button:


Benedictinism Website Permission to quote with attribution to St Mary's Abbey Colwich vocations@colwichabbey.org.uk and to Analecta Cartusiana, ed. Professor James Hogg, University of Salzburgh. Now, instead, to the Grande Chartreuse, Grenoble, for James Hogg's Analecta Cartusiana, and to Stanbrook Abbey for Sister Benedicta Rowell, librarian for Colwich Abbey's manuscript collection..